I have not felt like blogging for quite a while.
In the beginning of May, less than a week after finding two lumps, Beckys lymph system was overpowered by cancer (multicentric lymphosarcoma). Within a few days she was unable to eat, struggling to drink, and fighting for every breath. By the time I knew what was going on, it was too late to even take her somewhere nice for a last walk, as she was too ill to walk far. I couldn't leave her side that last week, being torn apart as I watched her fade away so quickly.
It was the worst week of my life by far.
RIP Becky I miss you so much
Becky always gave every bit of her spirit and soul in everything I asked of her, all she ever asked in return was to be near me.
It breaks my heart that she did not have the many happy golden years that she deserved, that I expected her to have.
The evening she died I wrote this for her:
How quickly time slips away
We were having such fun only yesterday
Plenty of time for our lives to be totally entwined and united
Not as much time as was taken for granted
Not enough time in forever to make this feel right
Part of my soul, part of my shadow, is lost tonight
Becky (aka Squecky, aka Wildkap Wannabe) 3.3.00 - 5.5.11
Now, some six weeks on, I still think about her (and therefore cry) many times every day. However, I realise that the reason it hurts so much to loose my Golden Girl, and the reason that loosing her has left such a huge hole, is because of the enormous amount of life and great and good things that she brought into my life. I am grateful for every single day that I had her there with me.
My other dogs have pulled me back to functioning in the real and present world, and I realise how lucky I am to have them, how precious every moment is. I think I appreciate them more than ever now. I feel the need to enjoy every moment I can with them. After all, the only thing we can be certain of, is that we have the moment that we are in.
hugs xx
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